Overcome a Victim Mindset, Empower Yourself, and Realise Your Full Potential
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Personal Thoughts, Musings & Precis.
Maslow never represented or thought of it as a bloody Pyramid!
It is more a sailboat, with a hull of essentials to stop you sinking, and a sail for progress & advancement.
Life really is hard, unpredictable, shit happens, and nobody is coming to save you.
“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right. Henry Ford.
If you think you are a Victim of life, or the Captain of your Ship, you’re right. Me, Jamie Bristoll.
“For most of us, it’s not easy to shift from a victim mindset to one centered on empowerment, and that’s why I wrote this book!
I want to help you get there, no matter your life experiences. At the same time, I won’t ignore or downplay your circumstances. This book will attempt to avoid toxic agency (the idea that you can achieve anything just by lifting yourself up by your bootstraps) as well as toxic passivity (the belief that you are completely helpless and hopeless because your circumstances suck).
Remember when it was considered a great thing to overcome your challenges, conquer your demons, have a positive attitude, be kind to others despite your life circumstance, and positively contribute to society? The fact is, for many of us at least, stories of overcoming are still extremely popular and inspiring. That means that we haven’t lost sight of the value of rising above our past. But instead of letting that notion simmer on the back burner, let’s bring it front and center!…
One of the most world-changing, groundbreaking shifts in consciousness you could possibly make right now is to realize just how much life really is what you make it. I’m not saying it’s easy. In fact, nothing in life that’s truly worth having is easy. But it’s possible, and it’s worth it.
This book will use the latest tools of science to help you confront life with healthy vulnerability, bravery, wisdom, self-acceptance, life-acceptance, compassion, creativity, and healing. I assume these are things you want out of life, and as you’re about to see, to a very large extent, you can have them.
Let’s find out how.”
Scott, the author of this incredible book, is an extremely valid guide, having experienced challenging formative years. He epitomises “Victim to Hero.”
“Growing up, I was an extremely anxious and sensitive soul who also happened to have an auditory processing disability.
That was a tough combination. It was hard for me to hear things in real time and it was especially hard for me to process auditory directions in real time. To all outward appearances, I was decidedly ungifted. As a result, I was placed in special education, which only caused me greater anxiety and a pervasive sense of shame.
In some ways special education was helpful because I received a lot of extra resources, some of which I truly needed—at least at first. At the same time, I found that I enjoyed getting all sorts of extra accommodations and being treated as ‘special.’ Again, at first….
Then, one day toward the start of high school, we had a new special education teacher who was covering for our regular teacher. I had never seen her before, and she had never seen me. She had no history of expectations about my performance. Having noticed my frustration and snarkiness, after class she took me aside.
She looked at me and it was like she was peering into my soul. Finally, she tilted her head and said, ‘I see you. I can sense your frustration. What are you still doing here?’
Her question rang in my ears. It quickly shifted to Yeah, what am I still doing here?”
WARNING: You Might Have a Case of Life!
Being a Hero doesn’t mean wearing your pants outside your trousers, it simply means being the author of your own story, taking extreme responsibility, accepting the inarguable facts of your life, and choosing to respond with courage, rather than fear.
Read another of Scott’s great books, Transcend, to see the details of the sailboat as opposed to the Pyramid! But put simply –
“Given that, let’s consider some honest truths about life itself, which can lead us toward the critical step that I call life-acceptance:
• You aren’t alone in your suffering.
• Life is sometimes unfair.
• Life is ultimately unpredictable.
• You can’t completely control your life.
• No one is coming to save you.
• You and only you are responsible for your reactions to the world.”
…or as Phil Stutz puts it in Lessons for Living –
• Life includes pain and adversity.
• The future is uncertain. Certainty doesn’t exist
• Accomplishment of any kind requires discipline.
• You are not special. No matter what you did, you cannot avoid these aspects of life.•
• This will never change.
There is love, joy, surprise, transcendence, and creativity as well, but these never occur separately from the above five points.”
IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE CHALLENGING. Accept these eternal truths, and set about earning yourself some AntiFragile Confidence by proving to yourself who da Boss really is.
Part I: “Don’t Be a Victim,” features FIVE things we don’t want to be a victim to: our past, emotions, cognitive distortions, self-esteem, and need to please.
ACT [Acceptance and Commitment Therapy] offers 6 self regulatory strategies to enhance our psychological flexibility –
1. Experiential Acceptance: Accept ALL of your experiences in life
2. Defusion: “De-fuse” the bombs of bad thinking by seeing how unhelpful a lot of our thoughts are
3. Ongoing Nonjudgmental Contact with the Present Moment: Be more like Teflon with your thoughts and keep on moving through life
4. Self without Identification: Observe yourself rather than overidentifying with it
5. Values: They are like a compass that helps you navigate life
6. Committed Action: Take action aligned with your values whether you feel like it or not—have a “Do it anyway” attitude
What does “feeling like it” have to do with anything? Don’t let your emotions govern your actions & outcomes. Gerritt dun!
Healthy Selfishness
Do you? Be honest with yourself.
• I have healthy boundaries.
• I have a lot of self-care.
• I have a healthy dose of self-respect and don’t let people take advantage of me.
• I balance my own needs with the needs of others.
• I advocate for my own needs.
• I have a healthy form of selfishness (meditation, eating healthy, exercising, and so on) that does not hurt others.
• Even though I give a lot to others, I know when to recharge.
• I give myself permission to enjoy myself, even if it doesn’t necessarily help others.
• I take good care of myself.
• I prioritize my own personal projects over the demands of others.”
Don’t be a victim to your need to please. You can’t have the energy for two if you are thoroughly depleted.
Harness Your (CHARACTER!) Strengths
These are the things that really matter, & dictate who you really are, not the car/house/holiday, etc.
Wisdom (creativity, curiosity, judgment, love of learning, perspective), Courage (bravery, perseverance, honesty, zest), Humanity (love, kindness, social intelligence), Justice (teamwork, fairness, leadership), Temperance (forgiveness, humility, prudence, self-regulation), and Transcendence (appreciation of beauty, gratitude, hope, humor, spirituality)
PUT THESE VIRTUES IN ACTION, moment to moment, day to day, Masterpiece