Belonging by Owen Eastwood

That’s from the first chapter called “you belong here” in which Owen talks about the power of whakapapa (pronounced fah-kah-pah-pah).

Owen establishes the incredible power of feeling a sense of belonging in our lives by sharing his own remarkable origin story—weaving the threads of his Māori ancestors along with his Irish, English, and New Zealand ancestors.

I asked ChatGPT to define whakapapa for us.

Here’s what I got: “Whakapapa is a Māori term that refers to genealogy or lineage. It encompasses the concept of tracing family descent and connections, highlighting the importance of ancestry and heritage in Māori culture. Whakapapa is more than just a family tree; it represents the layers of identity, history, and relationships that connect individuals to their ancestors, their community, and the land. It is a foundational aspect of Māori society, helping to define an individual’s place within their family and the broader community, as well as their responsibilities and roles.”

Owen also shares how he has created this sense of belonging with a diverse range of groups—from some of the best professional sports teams to the Command Team of NATO.

He tells us: “Whilst ideas like whakapapa are highly practical tools for us to build strong teams, they also have a powerful spiritual dimension. They explicitly connect us to something greater than ourselves.”

And… When I read that final line about the fact “when the sun is shining on us, we must be guardians of our tribe and of each other,” I thought of Rumi.

As we discuss in our Notes on Rumi Daylight, he once told us: “Travelers, it is late. Life’s sun is going to set. During these brief days that you have strength, be quick and spare no effort of your wings.”

Amen.

Remember: “Whakapapa points a finger at us and tells us, You will not be judged by your money or celebrity or sense of self pride… you will be judged by what you did for your tribe.”

That’s from chapter 3.5: “the mission.” That chapter is from part 3 of the book. The section name articulates the ultimate mission in its simplest possible terms…

“FEED THE VILLAGE.”

In other words… Live for something bigger than yourself. Take care of your family. Your team. Your tribe.

And… Let’s remember the fact that, in ancient Greece, the word hero didn’t mean “tough guy” or “killer of bad guys.” The word HERO meant “PROTECTOR.” I repeat… A hero has strength for two. A hero’s secret weapon is LOVE. It’s LOVE that gives us the discipline to forge the strength for two. It’s LOVE that gives us the courage to act in the presence of fear. It’s LOVE that drives us to play our roles well so we can fulfill the ancient mission of humanity to…

“FEED THE VILLAGE.”

Of course, it’s not possible to type that without thinking about the Mission to which I have committed my life. As I look down at my left forearm, I see HEROIC tattooed to my body in inch-tall letters. Above the “IC” of “HEROIC,” I see “51 | 2051.”

Every morning (and every time I look down at my forearm), I say to myself: “Hero, I see a world in which 51% of humanity is flourishing by the year 2051.”

From now on, every time I look down at my forearm to recommit to our Mission, I will remind myself of THIS wisdom. Here’s to forging excellence and playing our roles as humbly yet Heroically well as we can to feed the village… TODAY.

P.S. The quote preceding that passage is a BRILLIANT one from Nelson Mandela. He once said: “It always seems impossible, until it is done.”

P.P.S. Shortly after meeting Owen, I was introduced to another world-class coach: Shaka Smart. I connected the two of them after I read this passage: “If a team truly aspires to be high-performing, they have to find a way to get good at feedback, challenge sub-standard behaviors and address issues that are ‘slowing the boat down.’ I agree with [Marquette University] basketball coach Shaka Smart: ‘The most important component of accelerating growth is changing someone’s relationship with feedback.’”

That’s from a chapter called “The Navigator” in which we learn more about the ancient mariners who would settle in New Zealand and become the Māori. As I read that passage, I thought of a couple things… antifragile coral reefs and antifragile pots.

First, the antifragile pots.

In his great book called The Creative Act, Rick Rubin tells us: “In Japanese pottery, there’s an art form of repair called kintsugi. When a piece of ceramic pottery breaks, rather than trying to restore it to its original condition, the artisan accentuates the fault by using gold to fill the crack. This beautifully draws attention to where the work was broken, creating a golden vein. Instead of the flaw diminishing the work, it becomes the focal point, an area of both physical and aesthetic strength. The scar also tells the story of the piece, chronicling its past experience.

We can apply this same technique to ourselves and embrace our imperfections. Whatever insecurities we have can be reframed as a guiding force in our creativity. They only become a hindrance when they prevent our ability to share what’s closest to our heart.”

Now for the antifragile coral reefs—which happen to be in the vicinity of where our ancient Māori navigators worked their magic...

In The Psychology of Winning, Denis Waitley tells us: “One of the best ways to develop adaptability to the stresses of life is to view them as normal. Earl Nightingale tells of his visit with his son recently to the Great Barrier Reef which stretches nearly 1800 miles from New Guinea to Australia. Noticing that the coral polyps on the inside of the reef, where the sea was tranquil and quiet in the lagoon, appeared pale and lifeless… while the coral on the outside of the reef, subject to the surge of the tide and power of the waves, were bright and vibrant with splendid colors and flowing growth… Earl Nightingale asked why this was so. ‘It’s very simple,’ came the reply, ‘the coral on the lagoon-side dies rapidly with no challenge for growth and survival… while the coral facing the surge and power of the open sea, thrives and multiplies because it is challenged and tested every day. And so it is with every living organism on earth.’”

P.S. Stephen Joseph also uses the metaphor of a shattered vase in his great book on “The New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth” called What Doesn’t Kills Us.

He says: “At the core of this book is the theory of the shattered vase. Imagine that a treasured vase sits in a place of prominence in your house. One day, you accidentally knock it off its perch. It smashes. Sometimes when vases shatter, there is enough left intact to provide a base from which to start the process of reconstruction. In this case, however, only shards remain.

What do you do? Do you try to put the vase back together as it was, using glue and sticky tape? Do you collect the shards and drop them in the garbage, as the vase is a total loss? Or do you pick up the beautiful colored pieces and use them to make something new—such as a colorful mosaic?

When adversity strikes, people often feel that at least some part of them—their views of the world, their sense of themselves, their relationships—have been smashed. Those who try to put their lives back together exactly as they were remain fractured and vulnerable. But those who accept the breakage and build themselves anew become more resilient and open to new ways of living. The guiding principle that underscores this book is the belief, drawn from years of research and clinical practice, that focusing on, and understanding, and deliberately taking control of what we do in our thoughts and actions can enable us to move forward in life following adversity.”

That’s from a chapter called “Rehearsing Adversity.”

As I typed that, I thought of an elite athlete I happened to be trading texts with yesterday. We were discussing EXACTLY this: How do we deal with the adversity we face when competing? My #1 tip: EXPECT the adversity. Quit being surprised by it. And EXECUTE YOUR PROTOCOL (control the controllables!) when you INEVITABLY face setbacks.

Now… I also just happened to do a Note on a book called 10 to 25 David Yeager. Yeager is Carol Dweck’s protégé. His book on the science of motivating young people is PHENOMENAL. He talks about the threat vs. challenge response and the studies he and his colleagues have conducted to help people move from the threat response to a challenge response.

Check out those Notes for the details but the short story is that we need to shift from what researchers call a “stress-is-debilitating” mindset to a “stress-can-be-enhancing” mindset. When we make that shift, we LITERALLY change our body’s underlying physiology, using all the energy produced in peak performance pressure moments to show up as our best.

How’s YOUR relationship to adversity and how can YOU optimize it a little more TODAY?!

As I read that beautiful passage, I thought of a number of things.

First, right before I made that Top Secret trip to work with the elite athletes in Europe (where I met Owen!), I read his book. Alexandra was already familiar with Owen and told me that she thought we were kind of like the yin and yang to one another—I’m the “yang” individual-focused guy to his team-focused “yin.” So it was quite remarkable when, IMMEDIATELY after I finished my talk, he told me EXACTLY what Alexandra said. (I just got goosebumps typing that.)

I also thought of our “River of Flexibility” metaphor—we want to find the dynamic, integrated balance between structure and spontaneity. Too much structure becomes rigidity. Too much spontaneity becomes chaos. The dynamic integration? FLEXIBILITY—a hallmark of flourishing.

Finally, I thought of that 10 to 25 book. Yeager says something VERY similar. He says we need to SIMULTANEOUSLY hold people to high standards *while* providing warm support. If all we have are the high standards, we’re “Enforcers.” If all we have is the warm support, we’re “Protectors.” When we have both high standards AND support? We’re wise “Mentors.”

How’s YOUR tapu and noa? Your structure and spontaneity? Your high standards and warm support? Here’s to embracing and integrating all the dynamic polarities of life as we create a sense of Belonging and activate our Heroic potential TOGETHER… Today!